The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
You left your phone here
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