I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
