It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Randomize
