I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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