He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
