So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
