he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
