She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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