the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
