Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just wanna soil my oats bro
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
