Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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