i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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