her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
