Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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