How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
