We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
