You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
