mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
