I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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