Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
