New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
