Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
