Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
