your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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