We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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