I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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