oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
