and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
