He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
