a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
