I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
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4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
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They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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