If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
