why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
