why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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