I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
