made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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