My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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