Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
All the doctor said was why
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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