WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
