I feel like abortions should bother me more
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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