why didn't you poke me back
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
