He told me they were just razor bumps!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
