one two three fourrrrnication!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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