so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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