Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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