Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
