I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
