Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
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When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
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Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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