I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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