I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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