i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
