Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
