You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
