on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
