Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
