She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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