its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Randomize
