Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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