In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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