I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
