he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
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I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
How external is "for external use only"?
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I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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