You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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