The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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