moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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