I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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