is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
