And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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