spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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