I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I need to align my fucking chakras
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
