Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
God I need to hump something, right now.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
