Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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