I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
