i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
