dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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