imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
