Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
