he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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