Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
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I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
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They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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