this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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