tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
there's paper in my vomit.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
