i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
